Dedicated to all my friends and family members. And a special dedication to all those who are “single daughters” at home and to all those who love their sister. . .
If I had sister like you. . .
It was late when I woke, almost end of my lunch hour of school timetable. I remember for the first time in my life I am sleeping so long. Ma never let me sleep after 7am, and even she never did. Oh God! Where is ma? I realized she’s not in home and that’s the reason am still in my bed. I searched for her hoping she would have returned home. But couldn’t find her.
I arranged my books, bed and reached hall. I didn’t have my breakfast, and its time for lunch. Dad reached home, I felt happy! “Daddy, where is ma?” I questioned him. He replied nothing but handed over me a parcel from hotel. With no idea of opening it I repeated the same question to dad several times knowing that he’s not going to respond. How did ma manage living with him so long years I thought. I felt like shouting at him are you going to reply or I ll throw this parcel but I had no guts. I got irritated, frustrated and went back to my room.
I knew something was wrong, because last night’s scenes were still running through my eyes like a screenshot. I remember my ma crying, shouting as if someone had stabbed her with a knife. And in some time she was taken to the hospital. She didn’t return still. I miss you ma. . . I knelt down for prayer, because ma taught me that prayer is the only way to get reply for all unanswered questions.
I spoke with God tears rolling down, please give my ma back God. Do not give more pain for her, tell her that I miss her now. I will wake up early in morning help her in kitchen and will do my homework on my own. I will never trouble her in any way, I promised.
Back in my room, thoughts ran into my mind. I wondered how did ma leave me alone in home! She will at least give me a call to landline whenever she is out for shopping at evening, but mostly she managed to be at home whenever I return from school. Its one long day since she haven’t seen me. And I didn’t go to school also, when will ma return home I feared.
And dad returned home with the same sized parcel at night. I was running behind him with the same question and was disappointed when he didn’t even bother to hear me. I thought its a rude way to behave at a 5year old girl. My tears broke out and I shouted “I want to see ma. I will not sleep without her next to me. You took her last night to hospital, what the hell did you do to her? Did you kill ma? Is she alive or dead? Give me some answer daddy, I beg you.”
Dad spoke his first and last sentence for the day, “Go to sleep honey, mom will be fine.” And those words kept on repeating into my minds, ma will be fine. So she is not fine now, only so much I could conclude. And how could dad expect me to sleep when ma is not fine. I remember my ma hug me before I sleep and would give me a good night kiss which I missed in these days. The sunset and twilight fell but I couldn’t sleep. . .
I felt ma was not well for the past few months but still she managed to put a smile on her face. She was not well physically too, her stomach kept growing bigger and bigger. I used to say ma not to eat much but dad always compelled her to eat which I always hated. Even doctor would come home for regular check up and advice her to eat well, but don’t they realize ma’s stomach is growing because of eating too much only. I feel the people around me are strange and cruel at times, especially to my ma.
It was again the same lunch hour when I woke up and now found a new parcel on the table with a note “Happy birthday Sona” on it. I realized dad have left them and he didn’t want to face my questions again today so he left early. I thought how could he be so irresponsible that he didn’t even bother to ask a word about my school. When ma was at home, I never took even a single day’s leave. Now, I missed my school, friends and my birthday celebration too. I felt bad that I would not get my merit card this year for 100% attendance.
And in the evening when I was praying I heard my aunty stepped into home with dad. She was very lovable with all of us, I ran towards her and she kissed me on forehead. I searched for ma looking outside the gate and turned to aunty with disappointment and repeated the same question with which I tortured dad for the past 2 days, “Where is ma?”. She just smiled and gave no reply. Dad prepared tea for us and they had a cheerful and long chat which irritated me. How can dad smile when mom is in hospital dying I thought. I went back to my room lying to my aunty that I feel sleepy. I am dying without sleep even at night I told myself and left the place.
I heard a taxi entered into our compound wall, I knew it was ma. To my surprise, it was her! With the same smile but her stomach is no longer big. I ran towards her and she hugged me saying, “I went to prepare a gift for your birthday sweetie and it took such a long time, sorry” and she handed over me a soft woolen cloth wrapped around a cute doll. And I realized it not a doll! She was my sister and it was how she came into my life. She was really beautiful and her fingers were tiny, soft. I played with her and we had our great times together. I later told mom and laughed for being so innocent that I thought pregnancy is a disease. We named her “Shoni” and we celebrated our birthday together on the same day even though we are not twins!!!
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While reading the last few lines of her friend Sona’s diary, Sophie felt her throat dry. Tears rolling down her cheeks she wiped it rapid that Sona did not notice her. When it’s time to leave to her home, Sophie said good bye to Sona , Sona’s sister Shoni and their mom. She also said Sona that things explained in her diary were nice to read and she had enjoyed it. Sophie once again wished them Happy birthday and left.
While walking towards her home, Sophie felt heavy hearted. She had so many questions and thoughts running into her mind. I miss a sister, she thought. If my mom had not aborted, I would have had a sister like Sona. I would have shared all my silly jokes with her. I would have had a company to have a night walk. I would have fought for the last piece of cake with my sister. I would have shared my pillow with her and watch her until she sleeps. We would have walked around all the streets, watched all the movies, read all the books together she thought. Sophie remember she had fought with her mom several times for this reason.
With a series of thoughts running through her mind, Sophie didn’t even knew how she slept. . .
Nazma…
